


It's okay to not know

by sin_png



Category: Free!
Genre: Gen, i mean it's there but it's also not, kinda plotless, may or may not be rambley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-01
Updated: 2014-01-01
Packaged: 2018-01-07 00:52:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1113549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sin_png/pseuds/sin_png
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's New Year's Eve, and Rei kind of expected to spend it like . . . normal? Except, you know, this has become a form of normal for him, at some point, and he's never realized it . . . {Rei-centric}</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's okay to not know

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic idea I've had in practically years so I'm basically just writing it ASAP. Clearly, I have no idea what I'm doing anymore since it's 4am, and I am dying to get to sleep now. At some point, it went from simple New Years fic to . . . some sorta character thing \o/;;;

He'd already thought so before, but now Rei's nearly positive that there's much,  _much_ more to friendship than simple theories and calculation.

It wasn't as though he had tried to measure their bonds with such methods, but . . . There have been books. Light reads on the side on some nights, after finishing homework and proper test review. Nothing much, nothing he particularly  _stressed_ about, per se, but there certainly had been times where questions arose, and he couldn't figure out answers to any of them. That's probably his least favorite feeling in the world, really, times where he couldn't understand certain concepts or reasonings or general  _workings_. Not understanding something is . . . frustrating. And frustration is, most definitely,  _not beautiful_. 

The swim club had somewhat fit into that category, at first. In the beginning, it was obvious how much Rei didn't understand the idea of swimming as a whole. Flopping around, gasping for air, doing something humans aren't technically  _supposed to_ , given the reasons for their evolution . . . Why would you do such a thing? It's not very nice to look at, in his opinion. Or . . . well, it _wasn't_. 

Haruka-senpai opened his eyes first. Second if you want to count Nagisa-kun, but other than inviting Rei to the swim team in the first place, the blond . . . No, that's a lie. Perhaps it really was Nagisa-kun who managed to tug him along firsthand. The now butterfly swimmer never expected such stubbornness from the shorter male, for the simple reason of his  _very slightly effeminate name_. . . And that, well, apparently, Nagisa-kun found him  _beautiful_. For reasons still unexplained, Rei couldn't help but feel his heart stutter just slightly at the word, at how honest and  _open_ Nagisa-kun was being, and how completely shameless he was about it. In a good way. There wasn't a hint of dishonesty or embarrassment found in the other, which . . . was and still is extremely admirable. That made it much harder for Rei  _not_ to feel embarrassed, though, and the slightest tinge of pink rose to his cheeks momentarily in that moment. 

Because of that, he agreed to go to the joint practice, which ended up being the best mistake he's ever made in his life.

It was  _then_ that Haruka-senpai managed to show him the true beauty of the sport that is  _swimming_. It felt as though his life had completely flipped at that point. In that single moment, all he could really think was  _How had I ever thought this was so grotesque_? Of course, he realizes that not all people can swim as beautifully as Haruka-senpai had, but . . . More often than not, in his eyes. (Even when he still had ill feelings about Rin-san, he couldn't help but think that his own stroke was rather appealing in a different sense - just as graceful, and yet, seemingly with much more _passion,_ more intensity. A sort of  _need_ , or perhaps more accurately, a visible rendition of the redhead's adrenaline or excitement.)

Makoto-senpai hadn't needed to do much more inspiring for Rei at that point, but that definitely doesn't make the swim captain any less important. The caring nature of the brunet had made it much easier to ease into things, after all. Nagisa-kun's overzealousness with Haruka-senpai's passiveness alone wouldn't particularly make him feel too much at ease, no offense intended. In a new sport where he's starting from the very beginning, someone like Makoto-senpai was a blessing to have; and Rei still feels guilty about causing that one incident at the training camp. What sort of repayment is that supposed to be, given how kind Makoto-senpai - no,  _everyone_ , Kou-kun and Amakata-sensei included - had been? 

Admittedly, he still feels a small sense of shame about that, to this day. 

However, it's obvious that the others' kindness went far from unrewarded, as it had inspired Rei to go to Rin-san's school himself to  _personally ask and figure out why he had been behaving in such a way_. And, ah, maybe there was a bit of jealousy underlying that inspiration . . . Kindness aside, nothing truly managed to make Rei feel like a genuine part of the team at that point. The other three - four - had history, years of knowing each other even if they hadn't seen each other, whereas he . . . He was simply a stranger who had been picked for his name. Truly, by chance alone. It could've been anyone, anyone else, and he could've never met these wonderful people . . . 

Ironically - in a way that maybe it could be considered funny so much later, but was rather painful to bear at the time - it was when he gave up his position that Rei truly felt like a member of the Iwatobi swim club. It'd been hard - so,  _so_ hard, even though the words had managed to slip through his lips  _so_ easily - to sit back and watch these four old friends win the race he had wanted to partake in himself. Yet it was at that time he felt that he finally understood . . .  _something_. It's something that he still doesn't quite know or understand, but a revelation fell on him, and as he cheered them on . . .  _Beautiful_ , was all he could think,  _You guys are truly beautiful_. And the sight of their happiness was so visible even from where he sat, and he knew that he had done the right, maybe not  _that_ painful, thing. 

And now - now, for perhaps the first time in his life, Rei really,  _truly_  understands what _friendship_ means. But despite that, he . . . might not have been completely expecting this? 

Before his phone ever buzzed to inform him of a text, a feeling that it was Nagisa-kun had already crept up on him. He was right, of course. 

> _rei-chaaaaan~~~ ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆ happy new year!!!! well almost i guess ヽ(*≧ω≦)ﾉ are you free today?? we're going to haru-chan's house for a little party!! then we can go visit the shrine tomorrow all together~~~~ (*≧▽≦) you have to come okay?? *｡✧٩(･ิᴗ･ิ๑)۶*✲ﾟ_

. . . Eh? 

A frown of confusion managed to find its way onto his face as his brows furrowed at the message, staring at it silently for a few moments. A party . . . ?  _Today_? 

> _This is too sudden, Nagisa-kun!! You need to plan parties before the actual date!_

Despite the fact the blond can't really see him, Rei couldn't help but huff just a bit. Honestly . . . this sort of spontaneity is expected of him, sure, but it's still pushing it just a bit . . . ! 

_Bzzz._

> _ahhhh, don't be such a partypooper, rei-chan!!! o(-`д´- ｡) can you come?? it's not gonna be that long anyways!!! it'll be in an hour!! (✿◠‿◠)_

. . . that guy . . . already speaking as though he's agreed . . . (Even though he has.) 

> _Anyone will tell you the same thing, Nagisa-kun! Plan and invite ahead!! But fine, fine, I'll be there . . ._

. . .  _sigh_. Time for some preparations, then . . . Though, wait, shouldn't he tell him how long it'll go for?! Will he have to tell his mother not to make dinner for him?  _Nagisa_ . . . ! 

* * *

He has only a handful of time before he has to change and catch a train to Haruka-senpai's area, and it's lucky that one will be here a minute from now, or he'll have to run. 

(Which, okay, isn't a bad thing for a former track and field athlete, but it'd still be less of a hassle to be able to go at a more casual pace. It isn't very good to show up as a guest with red cheeks and sweat while being short of breath, after all! Not very beautiful at all.)

Nagisa shows up a split second before the train departs, which was kind of expected, and the blond catches his breath before perking up at the sight of - 

"Rei-chan!! Good, you're not late~!" 

". . . Nagisa-kun, should you really be saying that?" 

They sink into an all too familiar banter before calming some (not that much calming was needed to begin with) moments into the ride. At some point, a comfortable silence settles over the two rather than any actual conversation, and it doesn't occur to Rei until he feels a weight on his shoulder, blond hair coming into view from the corner of his eye, and well, the male really  _has_ been quiet these past few minutes, hasn't he? This is probably the only way for him to quiet, after all. 

Time slips, and so does Rei's consciousness, and he just manages to wake up five minutes away from their stop. It's hard to wake up Nagisa, as he's found out, but at the reminder of a party, he perks up  _too_ quickly, jumping up and going to the exit eagerly and leaving Rei to follow after with a familiar, " _Nagisa-kun, don't run in such a crowded area_ . . . !" 

When had this become routine? 

The walk to Haruka-senpai's house isn't as quiet as the train ride, since now they're both awake, and the conversation manages to distract them so much that if it weren't for Rei glancing over and seeing, "Ah, we almost passed the stairs!" they would've ended up going to _who even knows where._

Turns out that they're the last ones to get there, apparently, seeing their seniors gathered in the living room. 

"You're late," a gruff voice calls from further inside, but the toothy grin and easygoing tone is more than enough to tell Rei that he's not even close to serious. Makoto-senpai's the one who had answered the door, and after letting Nagisa in front to hop inside merrily with a call of, "Mako-chan, Rin-chan~!" Rei questions, "Where's Haruka-senpai?" 

A more distant voice replies for him before Makoto-senpai can speak, though, and the semi-flat tone makes it easy to identify the speaker. "Kitchen." The brunet closes his mouth to smile his usual smile, stepping aside and telling Rei to come in, before it gets too cold. 

And with one, "Pardon the intrusion," out of courtesy, the kouhai listens, and all formalities are tossed aside to be replaced with an air of easygoingness (alongside Nagisa's usual teasing, Haruka-senpai and Rin-san's usual banter, and Makoto-senpai's usual, general overseeing and joining of either sides of the conversation. More often with the other senpai as well, however). Conversations overlap, jokes or challenges are made, laughter is heard, food is eaten, some games are played at Nagisa's suggestion . . . 

(" _Why must I have my name on two sides of the die this time as well . . . ?"_

_"Because you're still Rei-chan~!"_ )

At some point, Rei can't help but wonder again how all of this became so normal, usual, common,  _familiar_. Sure, he realizes how it began, but . . . Even still, he can't understand it enough. Nagisa notices, apparently, and pouts, leaning against Rei with all his weight and half whining, "Rei-chan's probably over-thinking things again . . ." and Rei wonders that part too. For once,  _over-thinking_  sounds very fitting to the situation. 

"Loosen up a little, Rei," is the advice Rin-san has to give, and it's followed by a concerned Makoto-senpai asking, "Are you not feeling well?", and while Haruka-senpai doesn't quite say anything, he  _does_ glance up to look at Rei. And in the back of his mind, the butterfly knows it's a bit silly, but these simple actions are enough to make him smile and shake his head. 

"Nothing's wrong. And - oi, Nagisa-kun, you're pushing me over . . . !" 

"Let's continue being good friends next year too, okay~?" 

Just this once, Rei feels content without knowing some things. 


End file.
